Progress!

This will be a short entry.

It's been eight weeks and three days. Fifty-nine days.
One thousand four hundred sixteen hours.

No, I'm not attempting to re-write Rent. That's how long I've been working on my wellness program, and as of 10:15 AM CT today I've lost 23 pounds. Twenty. Three. Pounds.
2.73 pound per week.
0.39 pounds per day.

When I stop to think about it, that's quite a bit of weight. Here's some perspective:
An 12-18 month old baby will weigh roughly 20 pounds.
A standard car tire weighs 20 pounds.
A standard propane tank weighs 20 pounds.
Or it's 23 of these:

Gross, huh? That's what I thought. On your right is a 16-oz can of tomatoes. On your left is one pound of fat. I have 23 fewer of these hanging out on my body.

I read an idea on a blog I was perusing earlier today. As a way to have a visual of how much they'd lost, the writer put one can per pound in a corner of their kitchen. When they reached their final goal, they donated the food to a local food shelf. I do believe I'm going to try this. It will be a great reminder for me during those times when I feel frustrated to and wonder if I'll keep going. As that stack of cans grows larger, I will be getting smaller!

I suck at blogging.

Let's be honest. I kind of suck at blogging. But perhaps you've already noticed this. Anywho...

I thought I'd try something different with this blog for a few weeks. I meet with Lois (who I've started calling my wellness coach, when people ask me who she is) every Saturday for a quick 10 (ok 15. OK! 20!) minute phone call to talk about the prior week and set goals for the upcoming week. I thought this might be a good place to put those goals in writing, along with a snapshot of my progress. Here goes...

Since I started this journey roughly six weeks ago, I've lost exactly 14.8 pounds. I like that My Fitness Pal (www.myfitnesspal.com) rounds that up to 15.00 pounds. Let me say that again. 15 pounds. That's equal to 10 dozen eggs. Or three chihuahuas. Or bowling ball. I've lost the equivalent of a bowling ball. That's awesome. I have five pounds (fine. 5.2 pounds) to go to meet my first goal. I am hoping I make the goal by Friday, September 7. That would mean 20 pounds in eight weeks. I CAN DO THIS!

So here's the skinny (pun intended): Last week was stressful and emotional. In the week between weigh-ins, I lost two team members at work. It's hard to see people go when you've worked hard with them, no matter what the reason is. It took me the entire week - everything was over with by this past Friday - to realize I had gone into stress mode. I realized I get SUPER tired when I'm stressed, and just want to sleep. And when I"m not sleeping, I want to eat pizza. Allow me to say now these are not great coping mechanisms. I did not work out last week, but managed to keep my nutrition plan on the healthy side. I'm still really proud that I never ordered pizza, or hit McDonald's or DQ during that week. I was tempted, but never did it. YEAH ME!

So what now? Here's my plan for the next week (and a few going forward):

• Recognize my stress triggers: fatigue and cravings. When they happen at the same time, I'm wigging out about something and need to get it together. I also need to get moving to de-stress.
• Remember what I've achieved thus far. My friends and co-workers have started to notice I'm losing weight. I have a pair of jeans I no longer need to unbutton / unzip to take them off. I have one pair of capri's I really shouldn't wear anymore because they're too big.
• Return to working out, at least four times for 30 minutes a time this week. That includes adding some kind of activity on the weekend. Saturday and Sunday aren't days for me to lay around anymore, kids. This week? Renewed walking that gets my heart rate going.
• I'm adding fish and new veggies to my meal plans this week. I'm aiming for wild fish instead of farm-raised to avoid the extra mercury, etc. And on the veggie front, I'm going to try something new. I've been doing LOTS of salad, and while it's great, it's time to change things up a bit. Perhaps it's time to revisit brussel sprouts? Grab some green beans? Roast some cauliflower? Maybe I'll just do all three.

There you have it. My goals for the week. I may or may not provide you with a mid-week update (since we've already established I suck at blogging), but I will give a progress report next Saturday after coaching with Lois.

Thanks for all the support! I'm off to make my book purchasing list since I'm so close to my first goal I can taste it! Or should I say read it...

Frustrated...

I had a really tough day. My back has been bothering me since Friday of last week, and I hit my wall today. Let me give you the back story:

I've had back trouble since my last year of college. After about five years of pain off and on, I started having back spasms. As the years passed, I started having them every six to eight months. I eventually had a couple that were so bad I couldn't walk and I ended up spending the night in the hospital. Roughly seven years ago, I was diagnosed with spinal degeneration (stage 2). It's just something that I've learned to live with.

Which brings us to the here and now. I'm not having a full spasm, but my back has been locked up and incredibly painful since Friday of last week. The pain is rather intense and constant. I can't do anything without pain. Hell, rolling over in my sleep wakes me up. Coughing or sneezing makes me wince. I'm so tired of being in pain all the time. I've been trying to do some simple stretches, but the only ones I've found are too hard to do because of my weight. I can't find anything modified enough to give me a worthwhile stretch.

I'm finding the pain is affecting my concentration and focus. I brought an empty lunch bag to work today. The last hour of my shift I was hungry and in pain and all I wanted to do was go home and order a pizza, then eat the whole thing. I'm home. I made my brown rice breakfast thing I posted about a few days ago. I still want pizza, but I'm not going to order it. I'm just going to go to bed and try all over again tomorrow. I don't want to fall totally off the wagon, but it's really hard right now.

Monday Monday...

First day of the week, and overall I think it was a good one. My back is still bothering me and it was tough to sit at my desk throughout the day, but I managed through that. After this post, I'm going to get lunch ready for tomorrow then do some stretching before bed.

I started this morning with my ShakeO, which was (again) amazing! I made this one with milk and ice, and added a touch of cinnamon and nutmeg. It was better than a great coffee in the morning! I also had my lunch all packed and ready. I was able to eat smaller meals throughout the day, and I felt so much better today! It also meant I celebrated two small victories. First, a colleague and I brought in pizza for our teams today. When I dropped it off, it smelled SO good and I really wanted to drop my lunch and go for pizza instead. Instead, I kept to my lunch plans. I was surprised to discover about 30 minute after my lunch that I didn't even want the pizza anymore. Pat myself on the back one time? Check!

The second was while I was taking my laundry up to the second floor and I ran into the soda distributor stocking the machine right outside the laundry room. With my back issues, I'm walking gingerly and he noticed and offered me a free cold soda. The Mountain Dew was calling to me: Drink Me! Drink Me! I just said "No, thank you" and did my laundry. Pat myself on the back two times? Check Check!

I'm feeling better, and I think had more energy today at work. I'm not sure right now if that's wishful thinking or I actually have more energy, but I'll take it! Here's to another successful day tomorrow...

08Jul Food Diary

It's been a few days since I posted a daily food diary, so I thought I'd give you my snapshot for the day. Overall, I think it's been a pretty successful day and I'm feeling good!

I started this morning with my last fruit on the bottom Chobani yogurt (pomegranate). Going forward, I'm going to do the vanilla flavor and add my own fruits and nuts. I also did two 8-oz glasses of water. Roughly two hours later, I another glass of water and two low-fat string cheeses. Strings cheese? Strings  Cheeses? Jaysus...

Anyway... I then went and did all my shopping (see earlier post) and got my Shake on for lunch, with the added berries and soy milk. After doing a couple of hours of meal prepping for the week, I made dinner. I had a baked potato with a little butter (no salt), topped with steamed broccoli and mushrooms, cooked chicken (no skin), a little shredded cheese and plain Greek yogurt. I have to admit, I was really skeptical about doing the yogurt thing in place of sour cream. I am super picky but I decided to give it a try. Guess what? I can't tell the difference. Really. No, really. It was pretty fantastic. I did some checking online to try and guesstimate the total calorie intake for my dinner and it came out to just under 500 calories. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

I'm going to have about a 1/2 cup of a cucumber / radish salad I made earlier (see info below) with another glass of water and call it a day. In my prepping today, I made what seems like a mountain of brown rice, so I did some checking on what else I do with it, besides put it in burritos or put stir-fry on top of it. I found some recipes for a breakfast rice that look promising, so I'm going to try that this week. Oh, and I'll be making sure to either bring my shake to work or bring the stuff to work to make it! Check out the "recipes" below, and carry on.

Cucumber and Radish Salad with Creamy Yogurt Dressing

Peel and slice six mini (or baby) cucumbers, put them in a strainer and very lightly salt. Set the strainer aside (over a plate or bowl) for about 20 minutes to let some of the water release. In a bowl, mix one single serve container of plain Greek yogurt (I used Chobani) with two cloves of garlic rough chopped and dry dill seasoning (start with about 1/2 tbsp). Add the juice of one lemon, then continue to add dill to taste. Clean and thinly slice three to four large radishes, and add to the yogurt dill sauce. Finally, add the cucumbers and refrigerate for at least two hours.

Brown Rice Power Breakfast (note - I found the idea for this online at several runners sites)

One cup cooked brown rice

One cup milk (feel free to use soy / almond / rice milk)

One tbsp honey

One tsp vanilla (you can also substitute good maple syrup for vanilla)

One tbsp chopped nuts (almonds, walnuts or pecans)

Cinnamon to taste

Combine all of the above in a small saucepan, stirring until mixed. Heat thoroughly and enjoy! I'll be giving this one a try this week, and I'll let you know how it turns out.

Restart

I feel a bit like I've hit restart today. I got my first supply of Shakeology today (YEAH!) and started things off with my first shake for lunch. I tell you, it certainly doesn't take like something that was around 300 calories. I used just a half a scoop (Lois recommended that for the first three days) along with ice, about 3/4 cup vanilla soy milk, and a small handful each of blueberries and raspberries. My final verdict? YUMMY!


I also did my weekly grocery shopping today. I'm thinking that I will need to hit the store once a week for fruits and veggies, and it will make the approach of meal planning easier. This week I focused on adding some new veggies (cucumbers, broccoli, carrots, radishes) that I can use in more than one thing throughout the week. I also bought two rotisserie chickens that I will be shredding once they cool. I'll be putting them in small bags to freeze, then take out as needed. Lastly, I bought a bag of brown rice that I'll be making - again, because I will be able to use it in more than one dish. I am planning on:

Chicken burritos with brown rice, black beans, tomatoes, plain Greek yogurt and cheese
Baked potatoes with chicken, broccoli, mushroom, plain Greek yogurt and cheese
Stir Fry with chicken, broccoli, carrots, mushrooms over brown rice
Cucumber and radish salad with a yogurt dressing

It's nothing fancy and it doesn't have the biggest variety, but it will get me eating healthier and more regularly throughout the week and ensure I don't get home and stuff myself silly because I don't take the time to eat while I'm at work. I'm feeling better, and ready to face the week!

Small Bites

I just had a great phone coaching with Lois to end my first week of lifestyle changes. I'm feeling more positive about this journey today than I was just a day or two ago, and it drives home the fact that in order for me to be truly successful in making these changes, I need to lean on those around me for their support. I am the one ultimately responsible for my life, but I don't have to do this alone! That's exactly why I've chosen to share this journey with you ~ warts and all.

In our talk today, Lois ended by asking me about my goals. (She's pretty good at this coaching business.) It was hard at first to talk about, because I've started this journey so many times, but I know it's important to have these things written down somewhere. And I figured here is as good a place as any. So here goes:
My final goal is to get my weight down to under 200 pounds. That means I need to lose just over 150 pounds. (That's as close as I'm getting to putting down my actual weight.) It's a scary goal, but one I think I can accomplish. I tell my team members at work when I'm coaching them through a big challenge that they can't eat the elephant all in one bite. It means that although the end goal may seem daunting when you look at the big picture, to get there you need to break it up into manageable pieces. One bite at a time. So here's my first bite: 20 pounds. Just 20 pounds. That's all. It's not a huge amount. Really, it's not. And I will keep telling myself that every day. Just 20 small pounds. My reward will be (and I just decided this right now) the 5th book in the "Songs of Fire and Ice" series (Game of Thrones books). I really want to be reading it now, but I won't buy it for myself until I reach my first goal.

And speaking of goals, here are my two goals for this week:

1. Spend a minimum of 10 minutes per day stretching. I know it's not much, but with another back episode yesterday, it reminded me of how hugely important this is. By mid-week I want to be back doing the neural reboot from Tai Cheng, and by weeks end I want to have started the program again.
2. Plan my small meals ahead so I'm prepared to eat at work. This past week hasn't been too hard on the small and frequent meal front, but I've been home most of the time. Like I said to Lois, I can't just open the fridge at work and pick something. That food doesn't belong to me! That means I have to prepare in advance to be eating every 3 hours at work, and have everything ready to do that daily. It's a lot more work to prepare for than I realized, but I think it's what I need. It makes me much more aware of what I'm putting into my body. The more time I think about what I'm eating, the more aware I am and the less I want to spend all that time just to fill it with crap.

So there you go. Time for me to go drink some more water. After all, I haven't peed in nearly two hours! Thank you all for you great support!

Back Attack

Today I woke up with a REALLY sore back. As in so sore I could hardly stand up long enough to take a shower. And I discovered when trying to put on pants, I could barely lift my right leg. After fighting for over an hour to try and get ready for work, I gave up and called it a day. There is NO way I could stand to sit in my office all day and not end up in a full-blown back spasm. And for those of you who have experienced me in a full back episode, you know they are a most excruciatingly painful experience which bring my life to a complete halt for 2-3 weeks. Personally, I would like to avoid that. So, I'm spending the day at home doing ice therapy (continuing to use my Bengay Icy Something Something) and slowly walking with a cane throughout my apartment. I've noticed that by now (and I've been doing this routine for about 5 hours now) the pain is starting to dissipate, but I'm still battling with my spine. Damn spine.

Here's to continuing to remove the pain with ice, slow and careful walking and mild stretching. If there's one good thing here, it's that I've learned what I can and can't do since I've been through this so many times. I'm really struggling with feeling like my own body is fighting me right now, but I keep telling myself this isn't something new and I will get through it.

Now. Time to get some more water. I can tell I haven't been drinking quite as much today because I can almost 90 minutes between bathroom visits!

05Jul Food Diary

I know it's only been a short while since my first post, but here's my food intake for the day (in order as best as I can recall):

One 8-oz glass of ice water when I woke up. It was too hot for anything else the first couple of hours.
Breakfast: One Chobani Greek yougurt (black cherry)
Lunch: 1 piece margarita pizza (sans crust) and 1/2 piece heirloom tomato pizza (sans crust) from Pizza Luce. My bosses' boss brought in lunch for us today, unbeknownst to me. I stayed away from the soda and kept to water.
Snack: 1 apple and water
Snack: 2 Werther's candies and 2 mini Hershey's bars (the bite sized ones). I know, but I could still taste that pizza. I also kept drinking more water.
Dinner: Swedish meatballs and mashed potatoes from Lunds (one serving of each). I left the cream sauce in the pan after heating it up. I also had one 8-oz glass of milk.

I drank water all day long, and figured out I had roughly 10 8-oz glasses. I was also peeing what felt like every 45 minutes. I can't wait for that to be over with. And I know it will pass as soon as my body is properly re-hydrated.

I was all set to do the neural reboot from my Tai Cheng tonight when I got home, but I have once again done something to my back (prepare yourself: here comes the whining). This time it's not in my hips, but in my extreme lower back. Right in the middle. Dang, it hurts. I did some stretches at work (standing with my legs apart and slowing bending over to put my hands on the floor), which helped, but sitting is killing me. I'm off to do a few more stretches, hit it with some Bengay Extreme Icy Something Something and hit the hay. Day one of blogging (and day six of working to eat healthier) is in the can.

New Journey... Again.

I'm sitting in my office, contemplating my first entry on this new blog. As I find myself wondering what my inaugural post should be - what on earth would people want to read about me - I realized this blog isn't for you. It's for me and about me. About my journey in the next many months. About trying to discover new revelations about myself and about becoming something new. So please don't take offense, but it doesn't matter what you think or what you want to know. This is a place I get to be completely selfish.

Now that I have that out of the way, let me share what this journey is about. I am 41 years old. I have lived 95% of my life overweight - and much of it clinically obese. It's not pleasant (to say the least), but I've learned to live with it. And truthfully, that's the crux of my problem right there. I've learned to live with it. And on some days, it's not much of a life. While I'm able to get up and go to work, enjoy my friends and family, there's a great deal that I want to do and can't. Or I'm not able to do at the level I want. When you're obese, you learn with an acceptance of "missing out". With a wall built around you, because when you go out in public, you get those looks. You know the ones I'm talking about - you've either given them or received them. I've been on both sides. You come to expect judgment from strangers, and sometimes friends. And you learn to live with a certain amount of shame because deep down, some of that judgment is (let's be honest), justifiable. Trust me. It's no way to live.

As I entered my 40's, I came to realize I don't want to spend the next half of my life accepting something mediocre. I have a nephew who is 4 and a half years old. He's got all the energy you would expect from a happy little boy. I am his favorite Aunt. No, really. It was my plan from the beginning. He adores me, and I adore him. But as he's grown, he wants his Auntie Chelle to be able to play with him. Play kickball outside, play tag, and all those other things little boys want. I don't want to be that Aunt who says "Sorry, buddy. Auntie Chelle can't run with you, but you go have fun and tell me all about it when you get back". I don't want to miss out on anything with him. I don't want to miss out on life.

So. Where does that bring me? It brings me to today. I'm starting a new journey to become healthier. I know that I will never look like Beyonce, but that doesn't mean I have to resign to life half lived. So I'm making some changes. While I may be great at handling change professionally, I'm not very good at it personally. I know this is going to be really hard. But I also know I don't want to die of a heart attack when I'm 45.

This blog will be where I record my journey. I'll be tracking my food intake daily, because I need to be accountable. It's easy to say to myself that I'll just stop at McD's on my way home because no one will ever know. Now it will be out there for anyone to see, and I don't want to write that I've had a double cheeseburger for dinner five nights in a row. I'll be talking about how I'm working to physically change my body. Expect me to whine about that. Expect me to whine A LOT. I have never enjoyed exercise, and I HATE to sweat. But the costs (financial and otherwise) of not doing it are astronomical.

If I've invited you to read this blog, it's because I trust you and respect you. These are things that are almost impossible for me to say out loud, but the reality is I need to say them. I need to be accountable. Most of all, I need your support. I am going to whine, and bellyache, and complain, and want to quit. Probably every day. But I can't - there is just too much at stake. I ask that you occasionally take minute to remind me that you don't want me to quit, either. And send me LOTS of good, positive energy. I'm going to need it!